night before surgery-- 7-20-10

This week has been the most bitter sweet week ever. I went to the beach 3 times and swam in the ocean for hours on end and also went to a Yankees game. I got to do some things I enjoy and felt healthy doing it. My knee didn't bug me at all during these activities. But in the back of my head was an unsettling thought about how I will feel after the surgery, basically having to teach myself how to walk again. There were a few times during the week where I seriously questioned WHY I am even going through with surgery. I also have been really frustrated wishing I could have gotten the surgery over with already.

So tomorrow is my surgery. I'm anxious, a little scared. I'm prepared for the pain as much as you can be. I never forgot the pain I had after my first ACL surgery but I'm ready to just get the surgery over and start from scratch. I tried researching good physical therapy places near me because my biggest fear is that the physical therapist won't understand my athletic goals and not push me hard enough. It's also going to be hard for me hold myself back from pushing too hard and hurting myself more. I remember from the first time around how hard it was to distinguish between "good pain" and "bad pain." Good pain being pain that will progress me and bad pain being pain I push through that will cause set backs. I hope everything works out so I can be on my way to being happy again, kind of like I was all week, but without the unsettling feeling lingering in the back of my head.

 me tomorrow at 6.30 a.m.

Video of Allograft Surgery

Meeting with the Surgeon 7-12-10

I flew back to NJ to meet and go over the m.r.i. with my surgeon, Dr. Thrower out of Westfeild, NJ. I felt most comfortable with him because he did surgery on my first knee and about six years later I have virtually no problems with this knee (pretty much after the first year I didn't have much pain anymore.)

Dr. Thrower looked at my m.r.i. and saw no apparent damage to my PCL or lateral meniscus. This was good news because Dr. S in Salt Lake said I had really messed those up.

He also said that meniscus repairs happen during ACL surgery. So Dr. S's suggestion of getting meniscus now and then waiting for the ACL later was out of the question.

Despite not wanting to get surgery after lots of thought, I came to the conclusion it would be better to get the surgery as soon as possible. My plan is to do the first 2 months on rehab in New Jersey where my parents can help me and drive me (it's my right knee) and then when I'm on my feet I can return to Salt Lake and finish my rehab there. Dr. Thrower set my surgery date for July 21, 2010.

Next I had to decide if I wanted an autograft (patella tendon) or an allograft (cadaver graft). It was very appealing for me to get a cadaver graft because they are supposed to be less painful, and you are up an moving and feeling better initially. Also it leaves less scars and you aren't in surgery for as long. The negative about it is that the graft isn't as strong as the patella. After lots of research online and my doctors recommendation I will be getting the patella tendon graft as my new ACL. Dr. Thrower said for my level of activity I should  get it. The cadaver grafts work really well for less active and older people. But with my age, and freestyle skiing the patella tendon is the best option for me. Sa la vee knee without scars.

Follow up with the Orthopedic Doc 6-30-10

I had a follow up with my orthopedic doctor today. She said that she would recommend I get surgery on my meniscus now and if I want I can wait for surgery on my ACL. She said in most cases they don't do surgery right away on the ACL and rehab it first and see how it does. I plan on getting the ACL surgery done next spring.

This is a huge burden off my back because now I don't need to completely move home to New Jersey and put all my stuff in storage and move back to Salt Lake (or somewhere else) with no where to live and no job. The recovery time for meniscus is 4-6 weeks where as an ACL is 6-9 months. Luckily summer is pretty dead for sports reporting and I'm going to write a  profile piece and another fitness story before I head home and then come back in time for high school fall sports. And I will be good to go for ski season with a knee brace and all. Of course I'm going to have to tone it down a bit but I'm just super happy I don't have to give up a year of coaching.  

I saw the mri of my knee and it's pretty ugly. I don't know how I did this to myself. I also never thought I had a high threshold for pain but apparently I do. My knee would bug me but I have never cried about it or let it stop me from doing what I want to do. I really hope they can fix my meniscus and don't just snip away all the frayed pieces.

My doc told me knees are funny because some housewives fall off their 4- wheelers and blow their knee out and can't make it across the room without their knee giving out. I'm the other side of the spectrum, where my knee probably tore gradually and because I'm so strong I had no idea. Either way I am grateful for modern day technology and know that if I've been doing everything with a blown knee, once it is fixed and rehabbed it will make that much more of a difference.

So I have a blow knee 6-27-10

I’ve been working out 5-6 times a week and even dabbled with the thought of doing a triathlon at the end of this summer. I’m not in the best shape of my life, but pretty darn good shape because of mountain biking, spin class and using my road bike to get everywhere, plus swimming, pilaties, hitting the gym for cardio/weights and other group fitness classes. So when I got a voice mail from my doctor at 8 a.m. last Wednesday to call her as soon as possible, the last thing I was expecting to hear was “Hey Rebecca. The knee is a lot worse than we thought”....torn ACL, partially torn PCL, lateral meniscus tear, medial meniscal tear and root tear. I’m still in denial thinking maybe somehow that she read the m.r.i. wrong. The only reason I went to get an m.r.i. in the first place was because when I would play soccer (I played in 3 games this summer) it would give out when I shot the ball and land on my shooting foot or if I make a quick move I felt limited. I wanted to jump at the Olympic Park water ramps this summer because I’ve never had that opportunity and thought it would be a good idea to get a brace. I just figured I had a messed up meniscus because my knee has been making popping clicking noises for a few years. The recovery for that is about 6 weeks so I wanted to get it fixed and get jumping and training for skiing.

I tore my left ACL with minimal cartilage damage when I was 18, more than seven years ago. When this happened my knee swelled up like a balloon, I couldn't bare weight on it, it felt so completely unstable and I would get intense “waves” of pain shooting through the knee in addition to a steady uncomfortable pain directly in the back of my knee. Also a looseness and a feeling of something missing.

I cannot recall anything close to this happening to my right knee. I don’t know when I could have done this, of course it was skiing, and I have a few ideas when it could have been, but I will never really know so I’ve stopped thinking about it. Today I even ran about 3 miles and I had no pain or post work out swelling.

My mind has been absolutely tormented with what I should do. I have a follow up with the orthopedic in two days to figure out what my options are, if I have any. My x-rays showed that I had abnormal space in my knee for someone my age which concerned my doctor before I got the m.r.i. If I do undergo surgery, which is not really a matter of “if” but more “when,” it will be in New Jersey so I can be with my parents and go to the doctor that did my first knee. It's more confusing to me where I should go and what I should do after rehab, but I guess I don't need to worry about that quite yet.

It’s been really difficult for me to deal with finding out this information for a lot of reasons. For athletes that have undergone ACL surgery, like myself, they know the absolute pain that one endures during rehab, and what a long uneasy process it winds up being. Also the dedication, absolute obsession and hard work that one must devote to their knee. Once simple things such as walking or lifting your knee become things you need to re-learn.

Being active is the main thing that makes me happy in life and to comprehend not being able to be active (let alone go skiing for the greater part of next season) for a long time is very unsettling. I also feel like I have to give up a lot of things I’ve worked really hard for like being a ski coach and even bigger than that my LIFE the way it is. It would be very hard to live in Utah without working at the bar and as a ski coach- which are my main incomes and also without being able to ski or be active, which are all dependent on my knee. There's no guarantee I will be able to pick up where I left off, writing for the Tribune either.

I have a lot on my plate. I also got food poisoning, in a car accident and had my car broken into this week before I found out about my knee so I've been hit with a lot. I feel like God pulled the emergency break on my life.... I'm praying for his guidance.