night before surgery-- 7-20-10

This week has been the most bitter sweet week ever. I went to the beach 3 times and swam in the ocean for hours on end and also went to a Yankees game. I got to do some things I enjoy and felt healthy doing it. My knee didn't bug me at all during these activities. But in the back of my head was an unsettling thought about how I will feel after the surgery, basically having to teach myself how to walk again. There were a few times during the week where I seriously questioned WHY I am even going through with surgery. I also have been really frustrated wishing I could have gotten the surgery over with already.

So tomorrow is my surgery. I'm anxious, a little scared. I'm prepared for the pain as much as you can be. I never forgot the pain I had after my first ACL surgery but I'm ready to just get the surgery over and start from scratch. I tried researching good physical therapy places near me because my biggest fear is that the physical therapist won't understand my athletic goals and not push me hard enough. It's also going to be hard for me hold myself back from pushing too hard and hurting myself more. I remember from the first time around how hard it was to distinguish between "good pain" and "bad pain." Good pain being pain that will progress me and bad pain being pain I push through that will cause set backs. I hope everything works out so I can be on my way to being happy again, kind of like I was all week, but without the unsettling feeling lingering in the back of my head.

 me tomorrow at 6.30 a.m.